posted on 13 Jan 2013 21:13 by nextdoor in FanFiction directory Fiction, Entertainment, Diary
The air is freezing, yet I stand, letting the cold breeze creep under my skin. The leather trenchcoat doesn't do much help at all. However, it's not the concerning of weather that I have in mind, it's not how my fingers and hands are numb just from standing outside for hours. A gasp escapes my mouth, letting out an icy vapor. I shudder silently at my next thought.
What I have in mind is you. You. Myles.
Like a fool, I stand at your doorstep, looking into your house through the wooden pane.
I think of you so I came. And at that moment, with the sounds of wind rumbling in your ears encouraging you to knock down the damn door.
I see you.
You haven't change just one bit, your wrinkles, your nose, your eyes, your cheekbones, your ridiculous turtleneck suit. Still the same as ever and God... I love you for that. A smile carves my lips without me knowing it, you're always like this, always making me forget who I am. You always make me lose control. Then the smile is wiped off my face in an instant, my ears have gone deaf.
I see a man in your house, a man. A man who isn't me, a different man, apart from me. Oh Myles, you can't possibly imagine my rage and pain at the time, you can't.... not one bit.
That's not the end of it. Do you know what worsen my grief, Myles ?
You smile. I see you smile.
Coyly, shyly, playfully. You smile.
Something inside me crumbles, it's breaking, it's ceasing, it's dying. Something that I should have known better not holding on to, it's vanishing like it never exist, like it never belong. Yet, it leaves a cracked hole somewhere inside me. And I wonder why would something that I never know I can have.......could throw me to this depth of agony. Why? Isn't this quite cunning?
I want to rush into your house, drag you daring to shove you into the fireplace. Is he that special ? Is he that much different ? Or is he like me, just like me?
Those questions never really slip out far from my lips, as I stood there foolishly below the heavy-snowing sky.
But, no. I could not leave. I couldn't.
Not without doing, saying anything.
Closing my burning eyes, I whisper one word, just one. Voice hesitantly shaking, I blame the cold. Let the wind brings you this message, Myles. Let it.
The word sinks into me like a knife, steel sharp knife.
Like the air, it's cold.